- White Supremacist Joins Black Gang Member To Peddle #Meth. #Random http://t.co/0mPOBzNc
- Man Sues Uncle For Tagging Him In 'Embarrassing' Childhood Photo On Facebook. #Random http://t.co/9Jf06y0Z
- Bride Postpones Wedding So Pet Lizard Can Get Chemotherapy . #Random http://t.co/XgfH0NdX
- Man Stabbed Friend During Argument Over Who Has The Most Sex. #Random http://t.co/JuDKMab6
- Man's #Facebook Post Gets Turned Into An Ad For 55 Gallons Of 'Personal Lubricant'. #Random http://t.co/TitBFUlI #Humor
- Funniest 420 - #Chronic Awareness Day 911 Calls. #Random http://t.co/QEDPKSgy #Funny
- Police Standoff With #Florida Man Ends When He Awakens From Drunken Stupor. #Random http://t.co/DvTMktg7
- Man Sues Porn Star For Not Following Him On Twitter. #Random http://t.co/k5aKB69r
- Women Attack Bar Employees With Knife After Their Offer To Show Boobs For Beer Is Rejected. #Random http://t.co/SYCxTj7d
- Florida Man Tries To Rob #Store With His Finger. #Random http://t.co/e0RRcx0a
Women Have The Gift Of Gab – Men Wish We’d Kept The Receipt
I know there is that book that “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus” but the reality is that is so inaccurate. The title of that book assumes that men and women are from the same solar system. That is so incorrect. Men and women tend to do things much more differently including, not limited to but especially communicate.
We women have a code that is not hard to figure out. If it’s a daily chat about current events, then it’s a talk. If it pertains to something bothering is, then it’s a conversation. If it’s an exchange with our significant other about something we think they’ve done wrong, then its a discussion. Finally, when we are convinced that we need to have a banter and things are going to go the way we are getting ready to dictate, then it’s a TALK. I know that I used “talk” twice but you have to understand the inflection. The one in all lower case is a casual dialogue, the one in all caps is the one that most men try to avoid.
Men, they do things a whole different way. If it’s a chat with a woman about current events it’s the opportunity for them to nod their head, hope we get to the point so they can go back to what it is they would really rather be doing. If it pertains to something that is bothering them it’s their problem and would rather figure it out themselves and wish we would just shut the fuck up and quit asking so damned many questions. If it’s that exchange with their significant other about something that they are sure is going to end up being their fault no matter what they say or how they try to defend their thoughts or actions, it’s time wasted because they think they already know the outcome. Finally, if it’s that conversation where they think their woman is getting ready to dictate some shit, it then becomes a conversation with their boyz about how we are not runnin shit but our mouths and that he’s grown and will do as he pleases. See how that works?
Guys, there is no way around the obvious, we women want to have a verbal exchange about EVERYTHING. Period. Nothing is a simple yes or no, everything has to have an explanation, reason or excuse none of which can be achieved without talking about whatever it is. If you come home from a long day at work and announce that you need to run to the store, it would seem that we should just say okay and let that be that. No such luck, we are, without a doubt going to want to know why you didn’t go to the store on your way home. If you called on your way home and said that you needed to stop by the store then we are going to want to know why you didn’t tell us what you wanted from the store when WE went to the store the day before. See? Everything is a conversation. It’s not just because we want to be nosy, although that is a huge part of it but what we are actually trying to figure out is why don’t you all do things the way WE would have done them. As much as we talk, you’d think we would just ask you all that question directly but then that would require you all to give us an answer and the reality is we can’t hear your shoulders shrug and we kind of know that’s the answer we are going to get.
A man can come home after a long hard day at work and say “Damn, I’ve had a long ass day”. I think men would like it much more if we
said “Aww baby, I’m sorry to hear that” then do something nice for him to make him glad he’s home. Nope, that’s too much like right, we want to know WHY his day was so long and hard. That’s right, women insist that you live that long hard day twice, once in real time and the second in the play by play we want when you get home. Why do we do that? Because we ASSUME you all are thinking like us and want to talk bout it……most of the time it does not cross our mind that your day has been long and hard and you just want it over, we’re sure that you want to process out your day just like we do. I know, we’re wrong again.
One of my favorites is when a guy is outside working on his vehicle or something else mechanical that we may know nothing about. He can be outside cussin up a blue streak because the fix is not nearly as easy as he thought it would be. More often than not, we approach him and his project empty handed with the million dollar question “Baby, what’s wrong with it?” That leads him through this long ass mechanical explanation that inevitably ends with us asking “Can you fix it?” Common sense would tell us that if it were that simple, it would be fixed already or damned close and he wouldn’t be cussin. If he has to say “no” then we’ve just pissed him off by making him admit that he’s been working on something all day that he can’t do shit about. Trust me ladies, he really appreciates that. 
Men typically don’t like to discuss their financial troubles with us either. Why? Well, I think it’s the same reason that my dad didn’t like discussing financial issues with my mom, after he went through all of that explaining, she wasn’t going to offer to get in her pocket so he thought it was pretty much a waste of time .
The biggie is when it comes to discussing relationship issues. We women LOVE to talk about what the current relationship status is, where it’s heading, how long we’ve been headed that way, what each of can do to make the trip more pleasurable and why we’ve not been able to get where were going in a lot less time than it’s taking us to get there. Every day. Ladies, the guys dig us, they really do but more often than not, they are not going to analyze our relationship the way we do they do it a little more like this…if they meet a woman, go out, she kisses him he knows she likes him. He doesn’t need to talk about that. If they have been dating a while, they have sex, he likes her and the sex is good and he says something like “you know that pussy’s mine right? Don’t be givin that shit to anyone else”, then he’s established that you’re exclusive. When you get pissed at him and quit givin him the pussy, he knows there is a problem, when he starts gettin the pussy again, he knows the problem has been solved….lmmfao. See how that works??
So what’s the fix?? The reality is there isn’t one really. It’s been my personal experience that women and men really can discuss their problems but we need to just use fewer words. I don’t say that to insinuate that men are remedial or dumb, that’s not it, they really just don’t wanna hear a lot of unnecessary words. It’s been my experience that they want us to just get to the damned point. Kind of like we were taught in school, the shortest distance between two points is a straight line….we women seem to like to take the scenic route. All the time…ha ha
I feel totally justified in putting it all out there like that because I am guilty as the day is long….so, guys tell me, do you think we women talk too much most of the time?? Ladies, can you admit that we talk too damned much?? I can lmmfao!!
Original Blog Post 9/25/2009
Paid Dating Sites – Worth The Money or a Big Ripoff?
I received this letter in my Myspace mail and I thought it was a great question for a blog topic, I also answered this question in my Ask Stang Column (check it out, I will field questions there, it’s pretty cool) Anyway the reader writes:
“Sometime in the past, you told me to stay away from black planet right? So I listened and now I’m on black people meet .com as in i paid for a subscription so im taking it seriously. Now, the question is , cause you may know , why don’t women take them seriously ? They always have some kind of half assed page with stank ass diva poses, showing bad ink and stretchmarks,and toys in the backround claiming that they don’t kids. It’s annoying ! I’m wondering if women even have to pay to be on these sites like we do. Why cant these people be direct and straight to the point? maybe I’m talkin this too seriously……
Signed
*Name Undisclosed to Protect Confidentiality* (If they want it known I’ll let them tell it)”
I have been on some “pay” singles sites in the past and have noticed that as well. This problem is not just a female issue, there are some of these issues that apply to men as well so I’ll break it down the best that I can.
First thing is that most of those sites are guy heavy, meaning that there are far more men on the site than women. Profiles on singles sites as far as any site is concerned is a form of advertising. Women have learned that sex sells and they will do what they need to do in order to attract the attention. What happens a lot of times in that case though, when a woman on a dating site has it all showing is she begins to wonder why all the men she attracts are only attracted to her sexually. I have risque pictures on some sites but when I was a member of some of the paid sites, I posted my most conservative pictures so that men would not automatically assume I was easy and just out looking for random sex. I don’t care how grimy the ass or how bad the ink, some guy is going to write that woman and tell her how fine she is. To someone she may be so I think the kinds of pictures that people post on the pay sites dictate what kind of responses she’s going to receive. This attention is also a major boost to the ego.
LOL @ showing the toys in the background and saying she doesn’t have kids. I have no clue why people feel the need to lie, especially if they are in the market to actually meet someone. Guys tend to do the same thing but they lie about two things, penis size and height. The way I’ve always seen it is that if you are going to meet someone in person, why set yourself up for failure like that. Guys and their height have gotten so bad that I now ask men if they are their real height or internet height. Internet hight tends to be about two inches shorter than what he’s got listed. People who have to lie about their body, lifestyle or something else to gain attention are feeling inferior and is hoping to paint a pretty enough picture to get them through he door.
The incomplete profile. The drives me nuts on both the free social networking sites as well as the pay sites. I just tend to ignore them and keep pushing because to me they are either being lazy and just creating a profile so they can look and see what’s out there before they consider putting up information. On the pay site’s I’ve been on, I listed in my description that if they didn’t have a picture or a complete profile that includes a recent body shot, don’t waste his or my time by hitting me up, I’m not going to answer. Something else I have learned being on the net so much is that if they don’t have a picture and are only willing to email one, that they are either not who they are claiming to be or are already in some committed relationship.
The no picture thing is a deal breaker to me and I’ve heard the excuses “I can’t figure out how to load a picture on here”, “I don’t have any pictures stored on this PC, it’s a new one” or “I am a good looking person and I want to be judged on based on my personality and not my looks”. Umm okay you do that. With someone else. I like to know who I’m chatting with and with everyone having a camera phone or digital camera there is no reason for a person to be on a dating site with no picture. What good is that, I can’t see anyone wanting to get to know someone that they can’t see but have the benefit of seeing us.
Long story short, yes, women pay to be on those sites as well but the ones who are taking advantage of “free trial memberships” and the like are usually those who have half assed profiles. I would venture to guarnantee that if a woman is paying 30 or so bucks a month for a profile on a dating site, she is going to put forth way more effort than those who are just there taking up space. If you see a half assed profile, no matter how pretty she is, I would probably just kick, push and move on.
My question is have you ever used a paid online dating site and what was your personal experience?
A Few Thoughts About The Friend Zone
I saw an image tonight on my friend’s FB page and it said “Ladies, guys are sick of hearing you ask where all of the ‘nice guys’ are. They’re in the ‘friend zone’ where you left them.”
I started thinking about all of the women that I’ve heard talk about how they didn’t want to get involved with a man because she didn’t want to ruin the friendship. That doesn’t make any sense to me. When I hear people say that, I tend to think that they are either not physically attracted to the person and are afraid to hurt their feelings, or they are not very comfortable with their own relationship skills.
I like to think that my lover is my best friend. To me, my significant other should be the one that I share things with, enjoy doing things with and is my rock when things are getting tough. My friends know more about men than someone I just meet and take the time to understand my quirky ways. If a woman has a man in her life that does all of those things, why would she not want him as her lover?
Every relationship has the possibility of ending, be it a friendship or a romantic relationship. I think that so many women have been involved in bad relationships (I know men have too but I’m a woman and speaking from my own point of view), that it is easier to keep a guy in the friend zone. See, if a man stays in the friend zone, a woman has the benefit of his company, his emotional support and consistent approval, without having to take the emotional risk that comes with being in a romantic relationship.
What tends to happen is, woman keep a guy in the friend zone, date some jackass that breaks her heart and then goes back to the friend zone to have him pick up the pieces. I think that not only sounds selfish, but I also think that part of the reason the heart got broken is that the man she was dating didn’t respect the relationship the same way that the man in the friend zone does. If this sounds like she wants her cake and eat it too, then that sounds just about right.
I am not saying that men and women cannot be friends, they can, they are plenty of men and women who are friends where neither of them is interested in the other romantically, and if that is the case then the above doesn’t apply. I also know people who have maintained a platonic relationship with exes; I attribute that to the previous romantic relationship being built on a friendship.
I would say to the women that have men hovering around in the friend zone that you should take some time to evaluate the real reason that you keep those “nice guys” in the friend zone. Maybe the nice guy is not what you want; it’s what you think you want.
Oh and ladies, if a man is not physically attractive to you, just tell him. No, don’t come out and say that he’s ugly or whatever, but respect your friend by telling him the truth, you are not romantically interested in him. Let’s retire that lame “I don’t want to ruin the relationship” madness, that phrase is right up there with “it’s not you, it’s me”.
There was a song that once asked the magic question “how can we be lovers if we can’t be friends”? Well?
Lesson Learned: You Can’t Call Hos, Hos, Cause Hos Get Offended
I guess I should preface this journey into the land of total phuckery by saying, the terms “ho, slut, manwhore” and the like are all relative to the speaker. However, one’s perception of what a “ho, slut, manwhore” is, is based on the listener. So, a man who knows a woman who sleeps with men because they have a car could be considered “hoish” by some….and resourceful by others….follow me??
Today’s lesson in “Ho-ology” is courtesy of Twitter….lol. Last night, instead of doing my homework, like I should have been doing, I was goofing off on Twitter, one of the TTs (trending topics) was #GirlsShould. That sounded easy enough so I said ” #GirlsShould not act like a ho and expect to be treated like a lady.” I still stand by that statement, if a person (male or female) chooses to be a “random” or a “jumpoff” for someone or a few someones, don’t expect that someone to open your doors, pull out your chair and all the stuff they do for their significant other, you are the “random” or the “jumpoff” without significant other status……know your role.
Anyhew…..about an hour later, I get this tweet and this woman is hotter than fish grease (mind you, my tweet had been retweeted without comment quite a few times), and attempts to give me a letter in political correctness. She goes on some crazy ass rant about how I have my nerve to say that women who enjoy sex should be treated less than human……huh?? I had to look at my tweets again, this heffa is off her brick. It gets better though, apparently, according to her therapist….damn, I mean her…. I am an advocate for disrespecting people based on their sexual habits. Really? I had no idea I was all that. I thought what I said was pretty clear and not too open for misinterpretation or over analysis, I was apparently wrong as two left shoes.
She further goes on to say that it’s people “like me” that blame rape victims for their rape and find victims guilty of bringing sexual harassment on themselves, all because I used the word “ho”. Miss Thang was on a roll, she was going to read me like some “easy reader” book, I am not sure what page she was on when she assessed that I was sexist and advocated for the degradation of women who choose to explore their sexuality. REALLY??!!! I said all that??!!! I thought what I said was ” #GirlsShould not act like a ho and expect to be treated like a lady.” Issues much?
About this point, I had come to the reality that she must have been called a “ho” recently and taken personal offense to my tweet…..and? I attempted to explain that the word was relative to those who use it and people have the right to choose who they are with based on their own personal criteria. If a man does not want a woman, or a woman does not want a man that has been circulated like a newspaper, that’s their choice. I never advocated nor suggested that anyone should be treated like dirt.
This woman was in her feelings, deep……she was not in her head at all and she was going to make me pay for every man that hit and quit her and every woman that has ever called her a “ho” to her face and behind her back. I was apparently the source of every misjudgment that had been made where she was concerned and she was going to make sure I knew all about it, which she qualified by tweeting “yeah, i got my hackles up about the word “hoe” …so? Maybe I identify with “hoe-ness” more than I do ladyhood, after all i enjoy fucking”. I guess so….
Finally, I got tired of hearing all that and I said “As you please, you have your right to be offended and I have my right to not care……with all due respect”. She responds to me by saying “dont bother with the respect. I’m a hoe, I dont DESERVE to be treated with respect. ” Hell, all I had to say about that was …. “As you wish…”…. LOL
This all goes back to the adage “It’s not what they call you, it’s what you answer to”, I never called HER anything, actually had very little idea who she was until she wanted to defend her “ho-ness”. My thing is this, women and men are free to express themselves sexually in any manner that one sees fit. How others perceive that man or woman is not my call…..it’s theirs. If someone perceives one as a “ho” and chooses to sleep with that “ho”, no more, no less, that is up to the people involved. However, if one chooses to be so blatant and open about their encounters (who, what, where, when, why, how, methods, frequency, position…) that they appear to be a person that one does not want to take home to meet their parents, move on….don’t get mad, open your own door and leave.
I still say ” #GirlsShould not act like a ho and expect to be treated like a lady”. Does that make me right?? To some, yes and to others, no…it’s their choice, one does not have to agree with me, it’s their life.
On an end note, this person’s bio says: ”PottyMouthDirtBag,HawaiianWhtBlk, Altruistic,HappyFatty, Slam poet, Blogger, Raging Womanist/Feminist, Potential Soc.Worker, Offending Yu For 22yrs”
It looks like to ME that offender has become the offended…..C’est La Vie. Thank you for joining me on this journey into total phuckery, I hope you have enjoyed your visit, thank you, please come again and watch your step.
I’m Psycho Because HE Can’t Get Any Conversation…..Seriously?
I think we all have those people in our lives that we wish we had never given our phone numbers to. For a while, I had so many that I just finally set up a Google voice account to manage that phuckery.
Anyhew, this guy that I talked to years ago just popped up like toast in my text messages the other day and asked me for a “sexy pic” , the exchange went a little something like this:
Him: I want a sexy pic of you!
Me: How does it feel to want?
Him: Lol nice
(Pause when I didn’t reply)
Him: Come on
Me: Why do you keep bothering me?
Him: Cause I like to lol
Me: Like I’ve asked to you before, just lose my number
Him: Oh stop u big baby
Me: Look, you’re a nuisance. If I wanted to stay in touch with you, I would have.
Him: Well I know you want to deep down inside
Me: Nothing runs that deep
Him: Lol awe
Him: You know I intrigue u lol
Me: No, actually, you annoy the piss outta me
Him: Whatever ur psyco
Psycho? Seriously? I am not going to blame all men of behaving this way but this is not the first time that I am aware of a man calling a woman psycho because HE can’t get any conversation.
In my opinion, guys who go there for that reason have some really distorted view of themselves. I believe that there are men out there who think that a woman who denies him attention must be crazy because “any woman would feel honored” that he gave her some attention. FAIL!! That is not the case, the case is, she just wasn’t interested for whatever reason and on the real, she doesn’t have to give one. Not being interested is her choice, just like it’s a guy’s choice to not be interested in a particular woman for whatever reason.
Look, there is a huge difference between someone being a challenge and a person being a total pain in the ass. If someone lets you know that they are not interested in you, just be like Lupe Fiasco, just “Kick, push, and coast…..”
Moving Ask Stang To Miss Stang’s World Journal
The first time I tried to make this announcement, it sounded like a PR release and that’s not what I had in mind. Due to creative difference, I have decided it best that I move Ask Stang back to one of my own blogs. I had a great time working with Def Glam but some things don’t necessarily work out the way it’s planned.
I am moving it back here to the Stang’s Journal, as I think it would just be a better fit rather than trying to combine it with the Odd News and Ramblings on the Stangzine site. My journal is a more personal place for me and I think that the column would be best suited for this part of my network.
So, beginning today, Ask Stang will post on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, right here in the journal. I promise, I won’t be moving it again and I thank you so much for stumbling through this with me.
I do have some irons in the fire regarding being a contributor for other networks, but we will just have to play that by ear.
Click Here To Read The Ask Stang Archives On Defglam
