Posts Tagged ‘Random’
I know that sounds like it should be on Stangzine.Com in the “you big dummeh” section but since this didn’t make national news, I figured I would just blog it here.
It is no secret that I often get a laugh at the expense of others, but what may be a secret to those who don’t know me, is that I can take, as well as I give, even if it’s to myself …. I’m not sure that sounded like I meant it, but oh well.
Anyway, I have been MIA for almost 2 weeks. I went and spent some time in Arizona and had a great time. While I was out there, it seemed that I ate everything that didn’t eat me first, no molecule of sodium left unturned. Some people retain a little water when they eat sodium. Sodium always makes me do my impression of a giant sized water balloon with feet…fat, waterlogged feet at that.
The night after I got home, I had this brilliant idea, that since sauna suits help to reduce water weight by sweating you to death, that I could just SLEEP in my sauna suit and get rid of my excess water weight. People, do NOT try this at home without without seeking the advice of your primary care physician. Had I previously consulted with my doctor, I am sure she would have told my stupid ass that if I was going to do something so ridiculous, make sure the windows were closed.
I’m here (about a week later) to tell you, I woke up sounding like an 80 year old man with cigar cough and snottin like a runny nosed toddler. Go ahead, laugh it up…. I deserve every single chuckle but had it not been for that damned sauna suit, I’d not STILL be sick, not with a cold but with bronchitis. Yup, I’m going to blame the suit. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Okay, or not. This whole sauna suit thing is the epitome of that “it sounded like a good idea at the time”, thing. It was a bad idea then, it’s a bad idea today and it will be a bad idea when I look back on this and shake my head……..lol.
The other thing that is really taking a lot of my time right now is that I am getting out of the cosmetics business. I really enjoy helping women look and feel their best but that is a lot of hands on piece work and with my taking the last class this quarter that I need to get my Master’s degree in criminal justice, I needed to shift to a less consuming product line. I am transitioning into an online fashion jewelry and gift boutique. I will still carry some skin care and cosmetic items but that won’t be my primary focus anymore.
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And to think, I can put all of this together while I go to school but I don’t have enough sense to not wear a sauna suit to bed with the windows open…….go figure.
Wow! Today was really a busy day, I had things to do, errands to run and people to talk about. I managed to get all of that done in time efficient manner so I knocked off some reading and hit my facebook page.
It’s no secret I love to talk. If you have ever talked to me on the phone, you know that getting a word in edgewise is a challenge. I’m sure people have put the phone down and cleaned entire houses before and I’ve been none the wiser…just talkin. Anyway, I was set up for failure today….lol I get to facebook and one of my VERY gay friends has a status message that says “I’ve been put up to the challenge by someone else to find out: Do women really smell like fish down there?”
Okay, stop. I am now on a gay man’s page surrounded by a bunch of other gay men talking about the aromatic effect of pussy. I am also the ONLY heterosexual female, scratch that only heterosexual person on that THREAD…LOL so here are some of the comments about pussy from gay men…….
“Ewwwwwwwwwww. I don’t ever want to find out.”
“No Deep Sea Fishing for ME.”
“OMG.. WTF.. LMFFAOOOO!!! Apparently word of mouth has it that, It’s FISHIER than COD Fish on a bad day down there.. LOL!! So stand CLEAR!!”
“OH yes they can smell like that after a long sweaty day without showering! i know, i tried to go down on my aussie girlfriend a long time ago!”
Okay STOP!!!!! …………. Right There……”after a long..sweaty…day”. Roll that around a little bit. Other than I have no idea how many of them have actually ever been with a woman, I am glad someone mentioned sweat. Guys will talk about a woman’s pussy in a gypsy rose minute but I have encountered some sweaty, stankin ass balls on some guys before. In case you are unaware…guys, your sack can smell like what’s in it has gone bad….oh kayyyy……lift that shit up when you wash em … kthanx!
Now, just like I told you all that…I told them too. You would have thought that we were having church up on facebook. Folks came out of the woodwork to testify to what I just said. Although it was funny….it was also a group of men which to me made it much more amusing because they can be very creative.
Next, one of the girls I went to school with had a status “Soooo….FB Women….In the Past, it Used to be that as Men grew Older, they grew Sexier….How many of You feel NOW the Complete Opposite?!?! Or at Least that We, Women are AS Sexy & AS Successful as Our Counterparts?” Oh lordy that question was almost a delivery directly from the heavens. I am not sure if I mentioned this before but in high school, I was straight BUSTED!!! I think that I improved with age but some of the people I grew up with…….well let’s just say, time was not on their side. It’s in their middle, on their back and a few other places but not on their side and someone gave me the opportunity to TELL them…..help us all.
Sooooooo…I try my hand at diplomacy. I suck at it. I tried to say that it’s over all that I think women are aging better than many men. I’m not sure why but I have found that men my own age are looking OLD. Yes, there are some younger looking guys my age but it seems to me…not as many. Well during the conversation I mentioned what I just told you….I was STRAIGHT BUSTED. Somehow, during this thread of conversation, that translated into me being FLAT CHESTED. Now I don’t like to put a ethnic stereotyes on people but I grew up and went to school with a lot of white..white folks. So I was cracking UP at how what I said got terribly been misconstrued. I have never been flat chested a day in my LIFE. I was wearing a training bra in the 3rd grade.
I know that this may sounds like a couple of those “had to be there” moments but I am just amazed at some of the crazy ass conversations that I find myself in….lol. Hope you all had a great day.
I guess I should preface this journey into the land of total phuckery by saying, the terms “ho, slut, manwhore” and the like are all relative to the speaker. However, one’s perception of what a “ho, slut, manwhore” is, is based on the listener. So, a man who knows a woman who sleeps with men because they have a car could be considered “hoish” by some….and resourceful by others….follow me??
Today’s lesson in “Ho-ology” is courtesy of Twitter….lol. Last night, instead of doing my homework, like I should have been doing, I was goofing off on Twitter, one of the TTs (trending topics) was #GirlsShould. That sounded easy enough so I said ” #GirlsShould not act like a ho and expect to be treated like a lady.” I still stand by that statement, if a person (male or female) chooses to be a “random” or a “jumpoff” for someone or a few someones, don’t expect that someone to open your doors, pull out your chair and all the stuff they do for their significant other, you are the “random” or the “jumpoff” without significant other status……know your role.
Anyhew…..about an hour later, I get this tweet and this woman is hotter than fish grease (mind you, my tweet had been retweeted without comment quite a few times), and attempts to give me a letter in political correctness. She goes on some crazy ass rant about how I have my nerve to say that women who enjoy sex should be treated less than human……huh?? I had to look at my tweets again, this heffa is off her brick. It gets better though, apparently, according to her therapist….damn, I mean her…. I am an advocate for disrespecting people based on their sexual habits. Really? I had no idea I was all that. I thought what I said was pretty clear and not too open for misinterpretation or over analysis, I was apparently wrong as two left shoes.
She further goes on to say that it’s people “like me” that blame rape victims for their rape and find victims guilty of bringing sexual harassment on themselves, all because I used the word “ho”. Miss Thang was on a roll, she was going to read me like some “easy reader” book, I am not sure what page she was on when she assessed that I was sexist and advocated for the degradation of women who choose to explore their sexuality. REALLY??!!! I said all that??!!! I thought what I said was ” #GirlsShould not act like a ho and expect to be treated like a lady.” Issues much?
About this point, I had come to the reality that she must have been called a “ho” recently and taken personal offense to my tweet…..and? I attempted to explain that the word was relative to those who use it and people have the right to choose who they are with based on their own personal criteria. If a man does not want a woman, or a woman does not want a man that has been circulated like a newspaper, that’s their choice. I never advocated nor suggested that anyone should be treated like dirt.
This woman was in her feelings, deep……she was not in her head at all and she was going to make me pay for every man that hit and quit her and every woman that has ever called her a “ho” to her face and behind her back. I was apparently the source of every misjudgment that had been made where she was concerned and she was going to make sure I knew all about it, which she qualified by tweeting “yeah, i got my hackles up about the word “hoe” …so? Maybe I identify with “hoe-ness” more than I do ladyhood, after all i enjoy fucking”. I guess so….
Finally, I got tired of hearing all that and I said “As you please, you have your right to be offended and I have my right to not care……with all due respect”. She responds to me by saying “dont bother with the respect. I’m a hoe, I dont DESERVE to be treated with respect. ” Hell, all I had to say about that was …. “As you wish…”…. LOL
This all goes back to the adage “It’s not what they call you, it’s what you answer to”, I never called HER anything, actually had very little idea who she was until she wanted to defend her “ho-ness”. My thing is this, women and men are free to express themselves sexually in any manner that one sees fit. How others perceive that man or woman is not my call…..it’s theirs. If someone perceives one as a “ho” and chooses to sleep with that “ho”, no more, no less, that is up to the people involved. However, if one chooses to be so blatant and open about their encounters (who, what, where, when, why, how, methods, frequency, position…) that they appear to be a person that one does not want to take home to meet their parents, move on….don’t get mad, open your own door and leave.
I still say ” #GirlsShould not act like a ho and expect to be treated like a lady”. Does that make me right?? To some, yes and to others, no…it’s their choice, one does not have to agree with me, it’s their life.
On an end note, this person’s bio says: ”PottyMouthDirtBag,HawaiianWhtBlk, Altruistic,HappyFatty, Slam poet, Blogger, Raging Womanist/Feminist, Potential Soc.Worker, Offending Yu For 22yrs”
It looks like to ME that offender has become the offended…..C’est La Vie. Thank you for joining me on this journey into total phuckery, I hope you have enjoyed your visit, thank you, please come again and watch your step.
Every now and again, something comes across my FB that I think is crazy funny. Being a proponent of the 2nd amendment, I think THIS is hysterical, but then again, my sense of humor is “special” at best. I don’t know who wrote it or where it came from but I totally had to keep a copy of this for myself. Oh, yeah, this is just a funny piece, whatever you choose to do is all on you……ha!
Some words to the wise. Shooting Advice from various Concealed Carry Instructors. If you own a gun, you will appreciate this. If not, you should get one and learn how to use it:
Guns have only two enemies rust and politicians.
Its always better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6.
Cops carry guns to protect themselves, not you.
Never let someone or something that threatens you get inside arms length.
Never say “Ive got a gun.” If you need to use deadly force, the first sound they hear should be the safety clicking off.
The average response time of a 911 call is 23 minutes, the response time of a .357 is 1400 feet per second.
The most important rule in a gunfight is: Always win – cheat if necessary.
Make your attacker advance through a wall of bullets . . . You may get killed with your own gun, but he’ll have to beat you to death with it, cause it’ll be empty.
If your’re in a gun fight:
If you’re not shooting, you should be loading,
If you’re not loading, you should be moving,
If you’re not moving, you’re dead.
Just a few more things:
In a life and death situation, do something . . . It may be wrong, but do something!
If you carry a gun, people call you paranoid. Nonsense! If you have a gun, what do you have to be paranoid about?
You can say ‘stop’ or ‘alto’ or any other word, but a large bore muzzle pointed at someone’s head is pretty much a universal language.
You cannot save the planet, but you may be able to save yourself and your family.
I started this rant on the Stangzine site on the post titled “Georgia Mom Arrested for Allowing 10-Year-Old to Get Tattoo“. That article is crazy in and of itself but what grates my nerves are people who turn every damned thing into a racial issue. Is the woman involved in the story black? Yes. Did she violate the Georgia law regarding the tattooing of minors? Yes. This is story is fair game… let the courts decide.
Anyway, the very first comment on this story was by Mr. It’s Everybody Else’s Fault (IEEF for short) and he says:
IEEF: Don’t white moms allow their minor kids to have plastic surgery?
Seriously? The last case of this I heard was of some woman who claimed to have given her daughter botox and she had the police and DCFS all up her azz…… but I’m guessing he missed all of that. At any rate, wtf did that have to do with the price of tattoos any damned way? So, as hard as I tried not to……..I had to respond:
ME: @IEEF not at 10. Look, a 10 year old is not of a mindset to make a decision about what they want or don’t want for the rest of their lives. I have 14 tattoos and I think that this parent is irresponsible as BEST. Most of the shops here in Missouri will not allow kids to get them under 18 even with parental consent. This isn’t about race, it’s about parenting (and I use the term loosely)
IEEF: Stang, last week a woman paid $7000 in plastic surgery fees for her 9 year old.
ME: @IEEF link me to the article please.
IEEF: Mom Gives 7 Year Old Daughter a Christmas Voucher for Liposuction
So, I go read the article. It’s about a woman in the UK who has given her 7 year old daughter cosmetic surgery vouchers to use when she if of age if she wants to. I know at this point, I’m dealing with someone only reads the headlines and then considers themselves an expert on the topic. C’mon man! What crazy folks in the UK do have nothing to do with what crazy folks do here…… and so we continue:
IEEF: There are TONS of articles like this.
Okay, if there are TONS of articles like this, then why did he choose the most irrelevant article on the net?! That makes sense… trudging on…
ME: @IEEF, first, that’s a UK article… but even at that the original article states “She said in an interview with Closer magazine at the time: ‘Poppy begged me for a boob job, so I gave her the voucher so she can have it after she’s 16, when it’s legal.” So, she even had the sense to know that 7 is too young for body modification. Thanks for sharing that.
IEEF: That was one example…like I said, there are TONS. I am not advocating, but to give a girl going through puberty a BODY changing alteration for beauty sake, while her body is naturally changing seems a far leap ahead of a tatoo honoring a fallen child.
Shut him down, he’s pumpin mud……he’s right, that was ONE example, one GREAT example of an article that has nothing to do with showing that this arrest happened because the woman was black or even to substantiate his kindergarten level point. ”A tattoo honoring a fallen child?” Facepalm. The boy in question is 10! If he wants to honor his brother between now and the time he is old enough to be tattooed legally, he can’t draw pictures, wear his brother’s sports jersey, share his memories with friends and family, doooood, I this dude is using the 80% of the brain that humans don’t use and his test run is going poorly as far as I’m concerned. At the end of the day, I’m not seeing how this is a racial issue……onward:
ME: @IEEF, fine, then maybe this mom should have given her son a voucher for a tattoo……….
Okay so here is my point. I am really “over” the “white folks do the same or worse things than we do but they only show us” or the “it’s because they’re black” attitude. I will be the first to admit that there are many things in this world that are biased and I don’t see those changing anytime soon, we can only keep moving forward and level the playing field the best we can. Those who are a major setback to progress are the folks who refuse to look at any other reason for why things occur than race.
People have to take responsibility and be accountable for their own thoughts and behaviors and that includes accepting the consequences for those thoughts and behaviors. The second part of that is, it is necessary for us to allow people to be held accountable for their actions. If people keep allowing the “it’s because we’re black” mindset then they are doing nothing but shifting the responsibility onto someone else. ”Wolf” is being cried so often that when there really IS a situation that is racially motivated, it is harder to garner genuine support instead of frustrated sneers.
The “passing the buck” behavior has happened so often that it has become an ingrained behavior in some people. Case and point….over the summer, I helped to draw national attention to a case of a young man that was facing 2-8 years in prison for placing and inflatable doll in the girls restroom stall as his senior prank. He is an African American male that was living in “close to nothing” Indiana. To this day, I think we were able to garner the support for him partially because we didn’t approach it as a racial issue. It was addressed as an overzealous prosecutor and misstatements by the school issue. In doing so, there were many nationwide media interviews done on predominately urban stations. The urban stations really led the discussion in a direction that they wanted us to say it was about race, we held our ground and in some cases the interviewers were really frustrated because we wouldn’t “go there”.
I say all of that to say, we have to address racism where it truly exists and not because someone makes a bonehead ass decision to get their 10-year old son a tattoo……..get off the cross, we need the wood.
There are two things that I like to do, one is shop and the other thing is that I like to NOT pay full retail pricing for anything if I can avoid it. My friends say that I’m “frugal” or “cheap” but I prefer to call myself “cost conscious”, it just sounds better. I am a full figured woman and am very particular about what I wear. I like to wear clothes that flatter my assets and detract from my trouble spots, I realize that is not uncommon but it is hard to find clothes for fuller figured women that don’t look like some variation of a Hefty bag.
I know that I am not alone when I say that I’ve been out and have seen some fuller figured women wearing outfits that should have been left at the store. Some designers have “women’s” wear that are simply larger sizes of clothing they have designed for smaller women, they may (or may not) look cute in the picture but manages to take on a whole different personality when a full figured lady puts it on. When I’m out shopping and I see fuller figured women breakin their necks (and the zippers) to get into some of this stuff, I have to just shake my head. It never fails that I will be in a fitting room trying on a few things and someone else in the fitting room announces to their friend “Oh girl, I can fit this!”. Fitting it is fine but wearing it is a totally different thing all together.
For instance, I was shopping online when I ran accross this little number (you can click any dress to enlarge the picture):
Did you cringe? I did. Now, if you’re kicked back and saying “oh, that’s tight”, please keep reading, I’m trying to be your real friend. A disloyal ass friend would allow you to wear this in public AND will tell you how cute it is, knowing good and damned well that she’d never wear this. Did I mention that the price on this mess is $89.00? The best way that I know to save money on this deal is to leave this sh!t right there in the shop.
You may be saying “that’s cute, what’s wrong with that?” and you are right if you are built like she is. This dress is available in sizes 1x-12x … do you see where I’m going with this? As I said, if you are built like this model, I say “rock the hell out of this” but if you are closer to that 12x, put the dress down! Being comfortable in one’s own skin is great, it’s even encouraged but if one is on the bigger side of being full figured, wearing a dress that isn’t made to allow you to wear foundation garments is NOT. If you have legs that look like melting tree trunks, you may want to consider something with a little more length.
I have three little words for this… NO! NO! NO! This dress, like the one above is available in sizes 1x-12x and if you have just added it to your “must have” list, may I suggest that you hire a blind personal shopper to make your selections for you, you’ll be better off, trust me.
Next deselection ………
I think this dress is well intentioned, but when we full figured ladies wrap ourselves in shiny lycra or spandex, we tend to look like brilliantly colored baked potatoes……nuff said.
But wait…there’s more…
*Hangs Head*… *Sigh* a peek a boo baked potato. I have already talked about the fabric, I won’t mention it again but if you are fuller through the middle, don’t do this. I said something earlier about drawing attention to your best feature…..if you are thick in the tummy, and you know it….. don’t let anyone tell you differently, this will not look good on you. It won’t matter what shoes you wear, what accessories you find or how dark the club is…you’ll look hit. Period.
For you ladies that like longer dresses (I tend to like shorter one’s as I have a short torso)……
Notice the look on the face of the model? She’s wondering as I am, what the hell she’s doing in that dress. If your “twins” look less like babies and more like midgets, it would be my suggestion that you stay away from dresses that do not allow you to wear a bra. Some dresses, unlike this one, may have built in shelf bras and that may work if you are large breasted and not heavy breasted. There is a difference. It’s been my experience that shelf bras do not provide enough support for women with heavy breasts and they can make your breasts look like you’re trying to pull up your stockings with your nipples. Don’t be THAT woman.
Okay, I’ve beat up on unflattering dresses enough, I do have some styles that I think can look very nice on full figured women. Mind you, I said STYLES , meaning, I may not be a fan of the pattern but I will tell you what I like about the dress itself…..
If your legs and your bust line are your best features, this dress can be word with a one piece bra-dress control garment underneath. This dress has a little accent rhinestone in the center of the top as to draw attention away from the middle. Great with a heel or strappy sandal.
Do you recall where I said that there were some dresses that I liked the cut but REALLY DISLIKED THE PATTERN ? This is one of those cases……..
I love, love, love A-line dresses in almost any fabric type or length, just not in any pattern. I like the fitted top, either strapless or not because it’s fitted and then the a-line skirt hides some of my less desirable areas. I wear a-line dresses that are considerably above the knee down to my ankles and with either heels or flats.
The gist of it all is to dress for your body type. I am not a fashionista by any stretch of the imagination but what I do know is how to avoid being a hot ass mess. My mom used to have this saying “that outfit don’t care who wears it”…… but you should.
I think we all have those people in our lives that we wish we had never given our phone numbers to. For a while, I had so many that I just finally set up a Google voice account to manage that phuckery.
Anyhew, this guy that I talked to years ago just popped up like toast in my text messages the other day and asked me for a “sexy pic” , the exchange went a little something like this:
Him: I want a sexy pic of you!
Me: How does it feel to want?
Him: Lol nice
(Pause when I didn’t reply)
Him: Come on
Me: Why do you keep bothering me?
Him: Cause I like to lol
Me: Like I’ve asked to you before, just lose my number
Him: Oh stop u big baby
Me: Look, you’re a nuisance. If I wanted to stay in touch with you, I would have.
Him: Well I know you want to deep down inside
Me: Nothing runs that deep
Him: Lol awe
Him: You know I intrigue u lol
Me: No, actually, you annoy the piss outta me
Him: Whatever ur psyco
Psycho? Seriously? I am not going to blame all men of behaving this way but this is not the first time that I am aware of a man calling a woman psycho because HE can’t get any conversation.
In my opinion, guys who go there for that reason have some really distorted view of themselves. I believe that there are men out there who think that a woman who denies him attention must be crazy because “any woman would feel honored” that he gave her some attention. FAIL!! That is not the case, the case is, she just wasn’t interested for whatever reason and on the real, she doesn’t have to give one. Not being interested is her choice, just like it’s a guy’s choice to not be interested in a particular woman for whatever reason.
Look, there is a huge difference between someone being a challenge and a person being a total pain in the ass. If someone lets you know that they are not interested in you, just be like Lupe Fiasco, just “Kick, push, and coast…..”
Sometimes we have those strange days that we feel claustrophobic in our own lives. Today is one of those days. I am going to contribute part of this feeling to a big ole, fat ass case of PMS, but it’s not the best feeling in the world.
School started today, and even though the workload is heavy, I look forward to the start of the new sessions. I do occasionally have these days where I feel locked in to a pressure cooker that has be surrounded by school, business issues, client things, family and personal stuff. At the end of the day, I feel like I got a lot done but maybe not as supported as I’d like to feel.
No, this is not some “oh poor pitiful me” thing, rather it’s taking the time to acknowledge that I am not the only hard working person in the world that has moments of feeling closed in by the things that make up our life. It’s not uncommon for women to be the main support beam for different areas of their life but sometimes being very aware that it feels like the beams that are supposed to support them, aren’t quite strong enough.
Wow, all of that can lead to some unhealthy shit, if one lets it. So what is one to do? First, it helps me to rethink how much responsibility I am trying to shoulder that is not mine. I have to sometimes remove myself from all situations for a few hours and take a look at things. It has to be realized that one person cannot fix everything, especially when other grown folks are involved. Remembering that people were able to manage their lives before we showed up and will continue to do so even when we’re no longer involved is a great thing, because by remembering that, means that one can duck out and let other people handle their own stuff.
After all that, if I still feel locked in, I look at what I can accomplish in one day and make a list of priorities. Sometimes I have trouble sticking to that, but it helps me feel like I’ve been productive anyway.
As my last act of reducing the pressure in my cooker, I grab my blanket, pillow and animals and tune in something random on Netflix. That which can keep, will do so until the next day…..
The image above really covers how I feel at the moment. I had a great weekend but as I usually do when I’m away from home, I did not eat as well as I should have. The consequences are that I feel as if I have an entire menu from Panera Bread in my gut …. not only am I stuffed but I feel like a water balloon with feet. That is probably way more information that one could want about me, but hell, it’s my journal and my random world, so be it.
Normally, I live a low carbohydrate lifestyle but after doing some reading, things are going to have to change a little bit. Mind you, I have not had any issues with following a low carb lifestyle, my bigger issue is the steroids and so on that are being put into the meat. I can only eat right and work out for so long until combating the evil hormones and steroids that are being put in the food becomes futile. I am at the point where it has become futile….lol. So, after tomorrow, pork, chicken and beef are going to have to go by the wayside for me.
I am not swearing off of meat, per se but when I bought groceries for the week, I did include a significantly larger amount fruits and leafy veggies than I normally buy. I really need to take some time, let my body try and find it’s own hormones and find out how truly crazy I am. I am not guaranteeing a miracle but I can say that after a few days of eating less meat, more fish, more leafy veggies and more fruits in conjunction with about 20-30 minutes of cardio per day, I will no longer feel as if I’m smuggling people over the border in my belly……… I hope….lol