I know there is that book that “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus” but the reality is that is so inaccurate. The title of that book assumes that men and women are from the same solar system. That is so incorrect. Men and women tend to do things much more differently including, not limited to but especially communicate.
We women have a code that is not hard to figure out. If it’s a daily chat about current events, then it’s a talk. If it pertains to something bothering is, then it’s a conversation. If it’s an exchange with our significant other about something we think they’ve done wrong, then its a discussion. Finally, when we are convinced that we need to have a banter and things are going to go the way we are getting ready to dictate, then it’s a TALK. I know that I used “talk” twice but you have to understand the inflection. The one in all lower case is a casual dialogue, the one in all caps is the one that most men try to avoid.
Men, they do things a whole different way. If it’s a chat with a woman about current events it’s the opportunity for them to nod their head, hope we get to the point so they can go back to what it is they would really rather be doing. If it pertains to something that is bothering them it’s their problem and would rather figure it out themselves and wish we would just shut the fuck up and quit asking so damned many questions. If it’s that exchange with their significant other about something that they are sure is going to end up being their fault no matter what they say or how they try to defend their thoughts or actions, it’s time wasted because they think they already know the outcome. Finally, if it’s that conversation where they think their woman is getting ready to dictate some shit, it then becomes a conversation with their boyz about how we are not runnin shit but our mouths and that he’s grown and will do as he pleases. See how that works?
Guys, there is no way around the obvious, we women want to have a verbal exchange about EVERYTHING. Period. Nothing is a simple yes or no, everything has to have an explanation, reason or excuse none of which can be achieved without talking about whatever it is. If you come home from a long day at work and announce that you need to run to the store, it would seem that we should just say okay and let that be that. No such luck, we are, without a doubt going to want to know why you didn’t go to the store on your way home. If you called on your way home and said that you needed to stop by the store then we are going to want to know why you didn’t tell us what you wanted from the store when WE went to the store the day before. See? Everything is a conversation. It’s not just because we want to be nosy, although that is a huge part of it but what we are actually trying to figure out is why don’t you all do things the way WE would have done them. As much as we talk, you’d think we would just ask you all that question directly but then that would require you all to give us an answer and the reality is we can’t hear your shoulders shrug and we kind of know that’s the answer we are going to get.
A man can come home after a long hard day at work and say “Damn, I’ve had a long ass day”. I think men would like it much more if we said “Aww baby, I’m sorry to hear that” then do something nice for him to make him glad he’s home. Nope, that’s too much like right, we want to know WHY his day was so long and hard. That’s right, women insist that you live that long hard day twice, once in real time and the second in the play by play we want when you get home. Why do we do that? Because we ASSUME you all are thinking like us and want to talk bout it……most of the time it does not cross our mind that your day has been long and hard and you just want it over, we’re sure that you want to process out your day just like we do. I know, we’re wrong again.
One of my favorites is when a guy is outside working on his vehicle or something else mechanical that we may know nothing about. He can be outside cussin up a blue streak because the fix is not nearly as easy as he thought it would be. More often than not, we approach him and his project empty handed with the million dollar question “Baby, what’s wrong with it?” That leads him through this long ass mechanical explanation that inevitably ends with us asking “Can you fix it?” Common sense would tell us that if it were that simple, it would be fixed already or damned close and he wouldn’t be cussin. If he has to say “no” then we’ve just pissed him off by making him admit that he’s been working on something all day that he can’t do shit about. Trust me ladies, he really appreciates that.
Men typically don’t like to discuss their financial troubles with us either. Why? Well, I think it’s the same reason that my dad didn’t like discussing financial issues with my mom, after he went through all of that explaining, she wasn’t going to offer to get in her pocket so he thought it was pretty much a waste of time .
The biggie is when it comes to discussing relationship issues. We women LOVE to talk about what the current relationship status is, where it’s heading, how long we’ve been headed that way, what each of can do to make the trip more pleasurable and why we’ve not been able to get where were going in a lot less time than it’s taking us to get there. Every day. Ladies, the guys dig us, they really do but more often than not, they are not going to analyze our relationship the way we do they do it a little more like this…if they meet a woman, go out, she kisses him he knows she likes him. He doesn’t need to talk about that. If they have been dating a while, they have sex, he likes her and the sex is good and he says something like “you know that pussy’s mine right? Don’t be givin that shit to anyone else”, then he’s established that you’re exclusive. When you get pissed at him and quit givin him the pussy, he knows there is a problem, when he starts gettin the pussy again, he knows the problem has been solved….lmmfao. See how that works??
So what’s the fix?? The reality is there isn’t one really. It’s been my personal experience that women and men really can discuss their problems but we need to just use fewer words. I don’t say that to insinuate that men are remedial or dumb, that’s not it, they really just don’t wanna hear a lot of unnecessary words. It’s been my experience that they want us to just get to the damned point. Kind of like we were taught in school, the shortest distance between two points is a straight line….we women seem to like to take the scenic route. All the time…ha ha
I feel totally justified in putting it all out there like that because I am guilty as the day is long….so, guys tell me, do you think we women talk too much most of the time?? Ladies, can you admit that we talk too damned much?? I can lmmfao!!
Original Blog Post 9/25/2009