I received this letter in my Myspace mail and I thought it was a great question for a blog topic, I also answered this question in my  Ask Stang Column (check it out, I will field questions there, it’s pretty cool)  Anyway the reader writes:

“Sometime in the past, you told me to stay away from black planet right? So I listened and now I’m on black people meet .com as in i paid for a subscription so im taking it seriously. Now, the question is , cause you may know , why don’t women take them seriously ? They always have some kind of half assed page with stank ass diva poses, showing bad ink and stretchmarks,and toys in the backround claiming that they don’t kids. It’s annoying ! I’m wondering if women even have to pay to be on these sites like we do. Why cant these people be direct and straight to the point? maybe I’m talkin this too seriously……

Signed

*Name Undisclosed to Protect Confidentiality* (If they want it known I’ll let them tell it)”

I have been on some “pay” singles sites in the past and have noticed that as well.  This problem is not just a female issue, there are some of these issues that apply to men as well so I’ll break it down the best that I can.

First thing is that most of those sites are guy heavy, meaning that there are far more men on the site than women.  Profiles on singles sites as far as any site is concerned is a form of advertising.  Women have learned that sex sells and they will do what they need to do in order to attract the attention.  What happens a lot of times in that case though, when a woman on a dating site has it all showing is she begins to wonder why all the men she attracts are only attracted to her sexually.  I have risque pictures on some sites but when I was a member of some of the paid sites, I posted my most conservative pictures so that men would not automatically assume I was easy and just out looking for random sex.  I don’t care how grimy the ass or how bad the ink, some guy is going to write that woman and tell her how fine she is.  To someone she may be so I think the kinds of pictures that people post on the pay sites dictate what kind of responses she’s going to receive.  This attention is also a major boost to the ego.

LOL @ showing the toys in the background and saying she doesn’t have kids.  I have no clue why people feel the need to lie, especially if they are in the market to actually meet someone.  Guys tend to do the same thing but they lie about two things, penis size and height.  The way I’ve always seen it is that if you are going to meet someone in person, why set yourself up for failure like that.  Guys and their height have gotten so bad that I now ask men if they are their real height or internet height.  Internet hight tends to be about two inches shorter than what he’s got listed.  People who have to lie about their body, lifestyle or something else to gain attention are feeling inferior and is hoping to paint a pretty enough picture to get them through he door.

The incomplete profile.  The drives me nuts on both the free social networking sites as well as the pay sites. I just tend to ignore them and keep pushing because to me they are either being lazy and just creating a profile so they can look and see what’s out there before they consider putting up information.  On the pay site’s I’ve been on, I listed in my description that if they didn’t have a picture or a complete profile that includes a recent body shot, don’t waste his or my time by hitting me up, I’m not going to answer.  Something else I have learned being on the net so much is that if they don’t have a picture and are only willing to email one, that they are either not who they are claiming to be or are already in some committed relationship.

The no picture thing is a deal breaker to me and I’ve heard the excuses “I can’t figure out how to load a picture on here”, “I don’t have any pictures stored on this PC, it’s a new one” or “I am a good looking person and I want to be judged on based on my personality and not my looks”.  Umm okay you do that.  With someone else.  I like to know who I’m chatting with and with everyone having a camera phone or digital camera there is no reason for a person to be on a dating site with no picture.  What good is that, I can’t see anyone wanting to get to know someone that they can’t see but have the benefit of seeing us.

Long story short, yes, women pay to be on those sites as well but the ones who are taking advantage of “free trial memberships” and the like are usually those who have half assed profiles.  I would venture to guarnantee that if a woman is paying 30 or so bucks a month for a profile on a dating site, she is going to put forth way more effort than those who are just there taking up space.  If you see  a half assed profile, no matter how pretty she is, I would probably just kick, push and move on.

My question is have you ever used a paid online dating site and what was your personal experience?