Some people define themselves based on their current relationships.  Although I hear this a lot more about women than men, there are men who do it too.  I have an ex…*Smh*, (the first issue is that I have to admit to dating this guys about 5 or so years ago)…..anyway, he’s an ex, that keeps reinventing himself, he just never reinvents himself into anything anyone can actually use.

My ex is Sicilian, yes, it matters and you will see why in a little bit.  Moving on, there is a feature on one of my social networking sites that lets me know when people remove me from their list.  As a habit, when people’s name show up there, I look to see if I was actually removed or if they just turned their account off temporarily.  I don’t freak out about either, but I do suffer from normal human curiosity.  When I saw “Sam Sausagehead’s” name show up, I did my normal checking and yup, he’d deleted me.  Apparently I did not fit into his new life philosophy which is:

“13 WORDS LIVE BY(((((WE MUST SECURE THE EXISTENCE OF OUR RACE AND FUTURE OF ARE WHITE CHILDREN))))))”

That is a direct quote…. I wanted to make sure I used a direct quote so that NOTHING gets lost in translation.

Let’s begin with the obvious….his 13 words to live by, took him 14 words to quote.

Are vs. Our .. was not a typo, that’s his thing..funny how he spells “existence” correctly, he must have had help with that one, and decided to try “our” on his own and failed.

Before I finish breaking down the REST of his stupidity, I don’t advocate bigotry or racism, I see no use for it, however, everyone has the right to believe what they wish, as long as their right does not infringe on the rights of others.

Now, here are some of the fine points of his foolishness of which I am sure he is unaware:

Remember I said he was Sicilian?  Well, the island of Sicily is where many African’s went to avoid the slave trade, meaning, many Sicilians are mixed with the blood of African’s.  Maybe I’m wrong but I am thinking that the separatists groups are allowing in people of African descent, if they are, the rules have changed greatly.

Next, it is my understanding (apparently not his) that one is not embraced by separatist groups if one has been involved in “race mixing” or having been intimately involved with someone outside of their race.

What is so bad about all of this, is when I mentioned his “reinvention”, I didn’t even use his name, he’s just so random that my friends knew EXACTLY who I was referring to and this is some of what THEY had to say about the “new him”:

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA…”ARE WHITE CHILDREN” ??!”

“And so, I MUST ask this Stang: what EXACTLY did this “entry-level fucktard” say to convince YOU to let him “hit it” ?? I’m just curious because at one time, this was YOUR “man”, right ??  (can’t stop laughin’)”

“I counted for 14 words, but hey what I do I know, I have a diploma :-/  “

“Well DAYUUUMMMM…you’re fuckin’ up the program, Stang !! It’s ‘once you go black, you never go BACK”, not “once you go black, you’re gonna’ say FUCK THAT’ !! lol”

“‎Stang, you BET not be talking about who I think you were because if so, I don’t have the patience or the “stash” for this phuckery on my day off!!!!”

“Pfft I JUST got here and I knew who this was about before she finished writing it… He always was my fav fuctard “

To the separatists that may be reading (yes, I do have a few), I want to congratulate you all on your newest edition.  I have sent you all a gift of extra filters, with him running around there, you all will have one hell of a time keeping up the gene pool…….Salud!

I am a huge fan of one being who they truly are, no more, no less and if one feels the need to totally reinvent oneself for the sake of a relationship, for goodness sakes, read the instructions first.

You know, since I’ve been single, I have been playing the dating game and not playing well apparently.  Then I stopped and re-read, comments and things from my readers and I think a bunch of us have been so knocked around that we should be lined up in the dented and ding section at Sears.

Of all the baggage that I think we carry around, the dysfunction that I think we drag from relationship to relationship the most is distrust.  It’s easy to decide that people are shit but it’s not so easy to let our guard down and allow them to become sugar again.  It’s like you meet someone you totally click with and instead of being totally excited at first, the feelings inside are more like

I can attest to the fact that letting that guard down is one on the hardest things to do.  I don’t just have guards, I have stone walls, moats, drawbridges and the like…lol, getting in with me is almost list breaching the castle in the Prince Caspian movie….LOL.  Still, as in the movie, it is possible to get in.  Most people who have had their emotional foundations shaken in bad relationships develop those barriers but even so, we  are aware that in order to move on, we have to be willing to drop the bridge so to speak and invite someone in our fortress.  But when?

What is it that decides we are ready to let our guard down and try this madness again??  Is it the person?  Time?  Gut feeling?  I think it can be any of the three.  I believe so strongly that the right person can walk into our lives and stir up the feelings that we have been protecting behind those, what we wanted to be, impenetrable walls.  They stir up the feelings of trust, compassion, passion, desire, need to love and the need to be loved.  The biggest feeling that is awakened is our feeling of vulnerability.  I know that I can deal with almost anything but the feeling vulnerability throws me for a loop.  Why?  Because that means, my guard is or is on it’s way down and whoever I’m letting it down for can hurt me.  I’m like most people, not a huge fan of that.  The funny thing is, it’s easy for us to say that when we’re vulnerable, someone can hurt us but the flip side is that when we’re feeling vulnerable, someone can love us and help us to feel more emotionally safe.

Some people require time but if we start planning our emotions based on time we can schedule in our blackberry then we have become entirely too regimented or we have become entirely too regimented.    We can’t plan when to start trusting people in the Captain’s log but we can use the log to document when started to feel the joy and relief of letting someone in.

Where we get screwed up a LOT is we don’t trust our gut.  Our instinct is something we’re born with for a reason.  It’s been my experience that some of the biggest dating and non dating problems that I’ve had in my life didn’t stem from my intuition being wrong, they came from me ignoring my physical cues.  I think that many of us are guilty of “giving people a shot” per se.  How many people have you gone out with and you had the attitude “Meh, we’ll see what happens, this might work out” versus “Wow, the chemistry with this person is awesome, this is going to be a lot of fun”?  I know I have, I think we may have all had the urge to settle even though we don’t have to.  I think that if we trust our gut and let our guard down, we might be making a more accurate decision.

Sure, there is always the possibility of getting hurt no matter when we drop that guard but the other opportunity is there also for happiness, no guts, no glory………right?

So how do YOU decide it’s time to start lowering your guard with new people you date?

I couldn’t resist the title, I’m really not calling anyone a dummy but the thought came to me, I laughed so it stayed.

The other day, I wrote a blog The Independent Woman & The Sensitive Male Ego .  Well during the discussion, I posted a list of random things that I expected from a partner and also what expected to lend to the relationship.  Following that post, I received a letter and it read:

“I think the points that you responded to my comment with should just be the beginning of a new discussion.  Each point could be a conversation in and of itself, and I think such a convo is needed to help us Men figure out What the Heck we’re doing wrong!  lol

‘How to Date an Independent Woman’

Whenever you get time, go for it!”

Now, if the writer of that letter wants to be known but you know I don’t ALWAYS put it all out there.  I thought it was a great idea so I took the short, following questions and posted it on my blog on Fubar as well as sending it to some for REAL “independent women” to see how they responded.  Here is what I sent out:

“Okay based on a comment on my blog about independent women, I’ve been asked to write a blog about how to date an independent woman.  What I get myself into…lol, if you have a chance, PLEASE answer these questions so I can put this all together and not base the whole blog on just how I feel.

1.  Do you expect your date/partner to open doors for you?
2.  Do you expect your date/partner to pull out your chair for you
3.  Do you expect your date/partner to place your order with the waiter/waitress for you?
4.  Do you expect your date/partner to pay if HE asks YOU out on the first date?
5.  Do you expect your date/partner to pay if YOU ask HIM out on the first date?
6.  Who pays if it’s just a “meeting” and we’re hanging out?
7.  Do you expect your date/partner to hold your purse in the store as you shop?
8.  Do you expect your date/partner to carry your packages as you shop?  Under what condition if it’s not all the time?

Now the long term relationship stuff

1.  Do you expect your partner to consult you prior to making a major purchase?  Are you willing to consult him before doing the same?
2.  Do you expect your partner to retain a bank account in his name, you one in yours and the two of you have a joint account?
3.  Do you expect for your partner to have his own vehicle?
4.  Who is responsible for doing laundry?
4.  Who is responsible for cooking?
5.  Who is responsible for cleaning?
6.  Who is responsible for taking out the trash?
7.  Who is responsible for the paying of the household bills?
8.  Who picks up the check for “date night” if you are in a long term monogamous relationship?
9.  Did I leave anything out??  Have anything to add?  Go for it.”

I was a little discouraged when the 1st comment I received on the Fubar blog was from a guy and it said:

“I don’t expect her to swallow on the first date. That would make her a slut.”

Ugh.  For a second, I thought that if this is who I was trying to point in the right direction regarding dealing with an independent woman then I’m getting ready to throw good keystroke after bad.  Then it dawned on me, if he couldn’t even get the basic point of what I was trying to do, then he’s NOT who I’m talking to and he’s better left to whatever class of women he’s dealing with.

So I moved on to the email responses that I got.  Reminding you that I cannot speak for the world only the information I have access to, so here we go.

There are TWO types of independent women.  The first group are the independent women who are so because they have no CHOICE.  The second is the independent woman who is okay being the independent woman and wants a partner and not an investor.

The independent woman who lands in that role due to circumstances but would much rather assume all of the traditional roles are the ones that a lot of men run into.  This is the woman who is quick to claim that she is independent and will do what she wants to do but yet, still expects for her man to totally support her when she’s in a relationship.

That woman is independent out of “need”.  That means when she’s single, she “needs” to pay her own shit but it’s not her preference.  She wants a lap dog, she doesn’t want to lose face and bow down and say that she’s willing to sell her independence to the highest bidder so she ends up in quandary many times because she wants to flex and talk about what she is and isn’t going to do and what HE can and cannot do.  I have a news flash for that woman.  if he’s payin YOUR bills, he pays the cost to be the boss.  If you want to allow yourself to become a financial dependent then you do it all, as the song says “Ain’t no half steppin”.

There is NO way to claim that you are independent when he’s paying YOUR bills and you use YOUR income to go shopping, to get your hair and nails done and if you have a child, using your money to take care of your child.  YOU have an investor.  Just like a major corporation, if he asks you to report then you report.  His money is out there on the necessities, don’t poke your lips out because he wants to make sure his shit is being managed properly.  That’s what companies have to do with investors on a regular basis, they are called quarterly reports….lmfao!

Next, you have the real deal Holyfield of the independent woman.  This woman manages her own finances, home family and doesn’t see the need for that to totally change.  On the real, there are fewer of this type than the “fair weather independent woman” that I described above.

This type of woman is not looking for someone to financially support her.  She’s almost afraid of that kind of situation because she’s aware that if he’s supporting her then she very well may end up in an obligatory relationship versus the partnership she really wants.  This woman still expects to be treated like a lady in public, she wants her chair pulled out, doors opened for her and so on but does that mean she’s not independent?  Not by a long shot, that just means the woman has some home training.

I like to look at the menu, decide what I want, tell my date and let him place the whole order.  There is NOTHING wrong with that but while shopping, I don’t expect him to hold my purse or carry my packages unless something is too heavy.  I’d like him to offer but most times, I got it.

Oh and all that seat pulling out and stuff, an independent woman doesn’t mnd giving her man a backrub or tend to some of the other things he likes his woman to do.

Now lets get down to what a lot of people talk about when it comes to independance and that’s finances.  Long story short, it was the consensus that it was okay for each party to have their own accounts in additon to a joint account for bills and other household expenses.  I even talked to a guy who used to have a vacation account set up and he and his girl used to put a certain amount of money in it each month so they could take an annual vacation.

Next, most of the women I talked to wanted to at least be considered when major purchases were being made, even if it was going to come out of his personal account.  Why?  Because there is always the possiblity that the maintenance for that large purchase is going to become a household expense.  Like if HE buys a car then later THEY end up paying for insurance.  On the flip side, she’s willing to do that same, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

The way I have seen this get misconstrued though is that many men believe that if they talk to their woman first that they are asking for permission.  That’s not it.  It’s about communicating and staying on the same page.  It’s all very simple, a person can ask themself “am I getting ready to do something I would NOT want my partner to do?”

Dating is pretty much the way I laid it out, if HE asks HER on the first date then he pays, SHE asks HIM then she pays and if it’s a mutual “meeting” and they are hanging out, it’s dutch.  During the relationship, they can take turns paying or if there is some extra in a joint account they can take each other out….LOL.  Oh and those pesky house chores?  She is MORE than happy to split them down the center.

The REAL independent woman has established her identity and is not willing to let that go and just become “his girl”.  When she’s lost her identity in a relationship and people don’t even call her by name anymore, she’s referred to “his girl” a man can start expecting problems.  She’s going to try and figure out at what point she has enmeshed her identity into a relationship that no longer acknowledges her as a person.

The magic key to dating a REAL independent woman is for a man to be willing to not have the lead 24/7 and him being willing to have a total partnership.  To NOT be butthurt when she doesn’t agree with him or always think he’s right but is willing to find a happy medium.  This works out well for men too because a truly independent woman is NOT smothering.  She’s got her interests and is perfectly happy having a man who has some interests different from hers……..as long as those interests are NOT other women…LOL!!  She digs that because it really gives them something to talk about.

I don’t know if this helps but I think it’s a great start and if you are one of those “conveniently” independent chicks, please present your identification as such, you’re making it hard on those of us who really live the life and not just fake the funk.

Original Post 9/1/09

I know there is that book that “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus” but the reality is that is so inaccurate.  The title of that book assumes that men and women are from the same solar system.  That is so incorrect.  Men and women tend to do things much more differently including, not limited to but especially communicate.

We women have a code that is not hard to figure out.  If it’s a daily chat about current events, then it’s a talk.  If it pertains to something bothering is, then it’s a conversation.  If it’s an exchange with our significant other about something we think they’ve done wrong, then its a discussion.  Finally, when we are convinced that we need to have a banter and things are going to go the way we are getting ready to dictate, then it’s a TALK.  I know that I used “talk” twice but you have to understand the inflection.  The one in all lower case is a casual dialogue, the one in all caps is the one that most men try to avoid.

Men, they do things a whole different way.  If it’s a chat with a woman about current events it’s the opportunity for them to nod their head, hope we get to the point so they can go back to what it is they would really rather be doing.  If it pertains to something that is bothering them it’s their problem and would rather figure it out themselves and wish we would just shut the fuck up and quit asking so damned many questions.  If it’s that exchange with their significant other about something that they are sure is going to end up being their fault no matter what they say or how they try to defend their thoughts or actions, it’s time wasted because they think they already know the outcome. Finally, if it’s that conversation where they think their woman is getting ready to dictate some shit, it then becomes a conversation with their boyz about how we are not runnin shit but our mouths and that he’s grown and will do as he pleases.  See how that works?

Guys, there is no way around the obvious, we women want to have a verbal exchange about EVERYTHING.  Period.  Nothing is a simple yes or no, everything has to have an explanation, reason or excuse none of which can be achieved without talking about whatever it is.  If you come home from a long day at work and announce that you need to run to the store, it would seem that we should just say okay and let that be that.  No such luck, we are, without a doubt going to want to know why you didn’t go to the store on your way home.  If you called on your way home and said that you needed to stop by the store then we are going to want to know why you didn’t tell us what you wanted from the store when WE went to the store the day before.  See?  Everything is a conversation.  It’s not just because we want to be nosy, although that is a huge part of it but what we are actually trying to figure out is why don’t you all do things the way WE would have done them.  As much as we talk, you’d think we would just ask you all that question directly but then that would require you all to give us an answer and the reality is we can’t hear your shoulders shrug and we kind of know that’s the answer we are going to get.

A man can come home after a long hard day at work and say “Damn, I’ve had a long ass day”.  I think men would like it much more if we said “Aww baby, I’m sorry to hear that” then do something nice for him to make him glad he’s home.  Nope, that’s too much like right, we want to know WHY his day was so long and hard.  That’s right, women insist that you live that long hard day twice, once in real time and the second in the play by play we want when you get home.  Why do we do that?  Because we ASSUME you all are thinking like us and want to talk bout it……most of the time it does not cross our mind that your day has been long and hard and you just want it over, we’re sure that you want to process out your day just like we do.  I know, we’re wrong again.
One of my favorites is when a guy is outside working on his vehicle or something else mechanical that we may know nothing about.  He can be outside cussin up a blue streak because the fix is not nearly as easy as he thought it would be.  More often than not, we approach him and his project empty handed with the million dollar question “Baby, what’s wrong with it?”  That leads him through this long ass mechanical explanation that inevitably ends with us asking “Can you fix it?”  Common sense would tell us that if it were that simple, it would be fixed already or damned close and he wouldn’t be cussin.  If he has to say “no” then we’ve just pissed him off by making him admit that he’s been working on something all day that he can’t do shit about.  Trust me ladies, he really appreciates that.  

Men typically don’t like to discuss their financial troubles with us either.  Why?  Well, I think it’s the same reason that my dad didn’t like discussing financial issues with my mom, after he went through all of that explaining, she wasn’t going to offer to get in her pocket so he thought it was pretty much a waste of time  .

The biggie is when it comes to discussing relationship issues.  We women LOVE to talk about what the current relationship status is, where it’s heading, how long we’ve been headed that way, what each of can do to make the trip more pleasurable and why we’ve not been able to get where were going in a lot less time than it’s taking us to get there.  Every day.  Ladies, the guys dig us, they really do but more often than not, they are not going to analyze our relationship the way we do they do it a little more like this…if they meet a woman, go out, she kisses him he knows she likes him.  He doesn’t need to talk about that.  If they have been dating a while, they have sex, he likes her and the sex is good and he says something like “you know that pussy’s mine right? Don’t be givin that shit to anyone else”, then he’s established that you’re exclusive.  When you get pissed at him and quit givin him the pussy, he knows there is a problem, when he starts gettin the pussy again, he knows the problem has been solved….lmmfao.  See how that works??

So what’s the fix??  The reality is there isn’t one really.  It’s been my personal experience that women and men really can discuss their problems but we need to just use fewer words.  I don’t say that to insinuate that men are remedial or dumb, that’s not it, they really just don’t wanna hear a lot of unnecessary words.  It’s been my experience that they want us to just get to the damned point.  Kind of like we were taught in school, the shortest distance between two points is a straight line….we women seem to like to take the scenic route.  All the time…ha ha

I feel totally justified in putting it all out there like that because I am guilty as the day is long….so, guys tell me, do you think we women talk too much most of the time??  Ladies, can you admit that we talk too damned much??  I can lmmfao!!

Original Blog Post 9/25/2009

I was out and about surfing the net and I ran across this list of top 10 things you should never say to a black woman.  Now each of the 10 things hand their own commentary but I decided it would be fun to give MY spin on them….no worries, at the end I will link you to the original article so you can see what they wrote…I just this this was mad funny.

10. ”I was raised by black people.” (I agree with the original author, if you were raised by a nanny or a butler, that does not make you down.)

9. “Black women are so sexy.” (Not all black women are sexy just not like all women of another race are sexy, you have some hot and some not so much in any race.

8. “Can I touch your hair?” (Are you CRAZY?? As much as I pay for hair and you wanna rub your hands all up in it?  Please unless you are a stylist with some thread you bedknot. )

7. “I only date black women.” (So?  That’s YOUR deal, why do you only date black women?  Because you have no luck with any others so you are “settling” take that shit on someplace.)

6. “You’re the black Audrey Hepburn.” (I put that right up there with you are “fine for a black woman”, what if I was another color I’d be a hot mess?  Never that.)

5. “I don’t see any difference between the races.” (You lyin ass, if you only date black women you do see a difference you just think it’s in my favor.)

4. “It’s not like you’re the first black woman I’ve dated.” (Okay but dated and fucked are two totally different things…I’m not impressed.)

3. “You look like En Vogue.” (All of them?  Please that’s like telling a guy you look like Motley Crue…take that on somewhere.)

2. “Black women are so much cooler with sex than white women.” (If you think black women have some voodoo hoodoo bullshit goin on you’re wrong, most guys come to bed with a shrunken head already, that’s not our fault.

1. ”I’m voting for Obama.” (And?)

Today’s question, have you ever had someone slide you a backhanded comment based on your race or body type?

Top 10 Thinks You Should Never Say To A Black Woman

Original Post Date 6/18/2008

This might be a question that only my guys can answer.  I think we as women can TRY but I think they hold the key on this one.

An ex-boyfriend of mine called and said “Hey, I’m coming to town, you should really give me some pussy while I’m there”.    *Scratches head (MINE)*….Hmmm, I did mention that he was in EX right??  Just checking.  So I asked him why I “should” and he responded “It’s not like I’ve never had it, you need to quit bein so mean”.    Right.

Okay, so he and I had managed to maintain a friendly relationship since our break up but he started me thinking.  He really said that with some sense of entitlement in his voice.  Why is it that so many men think once they have had sex with a woman that she’s an open door with a broken hinge, able to be opened whenever he’s ready without resistance?

I understand that women and men view sex very differently.  I throw it in there with the relationship thing and sex is a part of something different and men, apparently are not trying to have to whole meal, they wanna order their shit a la carte!

On further thought, maybe some women DO think the same way and since I don’t I am not aware of it so I guess  the question of the day is:

Once you have had sex with someone, do you think as long as you all are on good terms they should let you go back “just cause”?

I guess I should preface this journey into the land of total phuckery by saying, the terms “ho, slut, manwhore” and the like are all relative to the speaker.  However, one’s perception of what a “ho, slut, manwhore” is, is based on the listener.  So, a man who knows a woman who sleeps with men because they have a car could be considered “hoish” by some….and resourceful by others….follow me??

Today’s lesson in “Ho-ology” is courtesy of Twitter….lol.  Last night, instead of doing my homework, like I should have been doing, I was goofing off on Twitter,  one of the TTs (trending topics) was #GirlsShould.  That sounded easy enough so I said ” #GirlsShould not act like a ho and expect to be treated like a lady.”  I still stand by that statement, if a person (male or female) chooses to be a “random” or a “jumpoff” for someone or a few someones, don’t expect that someone to open your doors, pull out your chair and all the stuff they do for their significant other, you are the “random” or the “jumpoff” without significant other status……know your role.

Anyhew…..about an hour later, I get this tweet and this woman is hotter than fish grease (mind you, my tweet had been retweeted without comment quite a few times), and attempts to give me a letter in political correctness.  She goes on some crazy ass rant about how I have my nerve to say that women who enjoy sex should be treated less than human……huh??  I had to look at my tweets again, this heffa is off her brick.  It gets better though, apparently, according to her therapist….damn, I mean her…. I am an advocate for disrespecting people based on their sexual habits.  Really?  I had no idea I was all that.  I thought what I said was pretty clear and not too open for misinterpretation or over analysis, I was apparently wrong as two left shoes.

She further goes on to say that it’s people “like me” that blame rape victims for their rape and find victims guilty of bringing sexual harassment on themselves, all because I used the word “ho”.  Miss Thang was on a roll, she was going to read me like some “easy reader” book, I am not sure what page she was on when she assessed that I was sexist and advocated for the degradation of women who choose to explore their sexuality.  REALLY??!!!  I said all that??!!!  I thought what I said was  ” #GirlsShould not act like a ho and expect to be treated like a lady.”   Issues much?

About this point, I had come to the reality that she must have been called a “ho” recently and taken personal offense to my tweet…..and?  I attempted to explain that the word was relative to those who use it and people have the right to choose who they are with based on their own personal criteria.  If a man does not want a woman, or a woman does not want a man that has been circulated like a newspaper, that’s their choice.  I never advocated nor suggested that anyone should be treated like dirt.

This woman was in her feelings, deep……she was not in her head at all and she was going to make me pay for every man that hit and quit her and every woman that has ever called her a “ho” to her face and behind her back.  I was apparently the source of every misjudgment that had been made where she was concerned and she was going to make sure I knew all about it, which she qualified by tweeting “yeah, i got my hackles up about the word “hoe” …so? Maybe I identify with “hoe-ness” more than I do ladyhood, after all i enjoy fucking”.  I guess so….

Finally, I got tired of hearing all that and I said “As you please, you have your right to be offended and I have my right to not care……with all due respect”.  She responds to me  by saying “dont bother with the respect. I’m a hoe, I dont DESERVE to be treated with respect. ”  Hell, all I had to say about that was …. “As you wish…”…. LOL

This all goes back to the adage “It’s not what they call you, it’s what you answer to”,  I never called HER anything, actually had very little idea who she was until she wanted to defend her “ho-ness”.  My thing is this, women and men are free to express themselves sexually in any manner that one sees fit.  How others perceive that man or woman is not my call…..it’s theirs.  If someone perceives one as a “ho” and chooses to sleep with that “ho”, no more, no less, that is up to the people involved.  However, if one chooses to be so blatant and open about their encounters (who, what, where, when, why, how, methods, frequency, position…) that they appear to be a person that one does not want to take home to meet their parents, move on….don’t get mad, open your own door and leave.

I still say  ” #GirlsShould not act like a ho and expect to be treated like a lady”.  Does that make me right??  To some, yes and to others, no…it’s their choice, one does not have to agree with me, it’s their life.

On an end note, this person’s bio says:  ”PottyMouthDirtBag,HawaiianWhtBlk, Altruistic,HappyFatty, Slam poet, Blogger, Raging Womanist/Feminist, Potential Soc.Worker, Offending Yu For 22yrs”

It looks like to ME that offender has become the offended…..C’est La Vie.  Thank you for joining me on this journey into total phuckery, I hope you have enjoyed your visit, thank you, please come again and watch your step.

I think we all have those people in our lives that we wish we had never given our phone numbers to.  For a while, I had so many that I just finally set up a Google voice account to manage that phuckery.

Anyhew, this guy that I talked to years ago just popped up like toast in my text messages the  other day and asked me for a “sexy pic” , the exchange went a little something like this:

Him:  I want a sexy pic of you!
Me:   How does it feel to want?
Him:  Lol nice

(Pause when I didn’t reply)

Him:  Come on
Me:   Why do you keep bothering me?
Him:  Cause I like to lol
Me:   Like I’ve asked to you before, just lose my number
Him: Oh stop u big baby
Me:   Look, you’re a nuisance.  If I wanted to stay in touch with you, I would have.
Him: Well I know you want to deep down inside
Me:   Nothing runs that deep
Him:  Lol awe
Him:  You know I intrigue u lol
Me:   No, actually, you annoy the piss outta me
Him: Whatever ur psyco

Psycho?  Seriously?  I am not going to blame all men of behaving this way but this is not the first time that I am aware of a man calling a woman psycho because HE can’t get any conversation.

In my opinion, guys who go there for that reason have some really distorted view of themselves.  I believe that there are men out there who think that a woman who denies him attention must be crazy because “any woman would feel honored” that he gave her some attention.  FAIL!!  That is not the case, the case is, she just wasn’t interested for whatever reason and on the real, she doesn’t have to give one.  Not being interested is her choice, just like it’s a guy’s choice to not be interested in a particular woman for whatever reason.

Look, there is a huge difference between someone being a challenge and a person being a total pain in the ass.  If someone lets you know that they are not interested in you, just be like Lupe Fiasco, just “Kick, push, and coast…..”

The first time I tried to make this announcement, it sounded like a PR release and that’s not what I had in mind.  Due to creative difference, I have decided it best that I move Ask Stang back to one of my own blogs.  I had a great time working with Def Glam but some things don’t necessarily work out the way it’s planned.

I am moving it back here to the Stang’s Journal, as I think it would just be a better fit rather than trying to combine it with the Odd News and Ramblings on the Stangzine site.  My journal is a more personal place for me and I think that the column would be best suited for this part of my network.

So, beginning today, Ask Stang will post on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, right here in the journal.  I promise, I won’t be moving it again and I thank you so much for stumbling through this with me.

I do have some irons in the fire regarding being a contributor for other networks, but we will just have to play that by ear.

Click Here To Read The Ask Stang Archives On Defglam